Friday, October 12, 2001
C'mon guys......so I went on a little bit last time out; is that any reason to deep-freeze me? My tears have flowed unabated at the total lack of response on my most recent essay; why, Ive been kicked out of three libraries this week for short-circuiting their keyboards. Ah well, the strong shall survive. Seriously, though, I would like a feedback or two to keep those creative juices flowing (see what damage is wrought by not having an editor?). Besides, several of YOU are mentioned therein. You'll just have to read on, effendi, to find out exactly who.... (heh,heh)
In the meantime, today I'll keep it brief (alright, alright already!! Stop cheering!). The 16th will mark a month since I completed my ride; yesterday was a month since the terrorists attacks. Try as I might, these two events will be forever linked in my mind and soul.
To top it all off I am in the midst of falling deeply, eternally, inexorably in love. PLUS I was standing on the Ocean Beach shorleine yesterday, locked in a passionate embrace with my Polish Queen, when the tide rolled in and soaked us halfway up to our knees! I mean really now - ocean tides lapping against the shore! How rare of an occurence was that??? Now I have to bear the soggy cross of my salt-laden shoes, my tootsies freezing in here while I wait for the fabric to dry. ARRGGHH!!
Too many ostensibly distant things happening at once here. How does one find and possibly more importantly, keep love, in the midst of a war? Our nation is on "high alert". Terrorirst attacks may come at any time; damn, I'm in U-Cal Berkley right now for crying out loud! If I press the right combination of keys on this fershlinger machine a bomb might take us all out!
But through it all there is a sense of calm in my heart. As the Lakota are wont to say (and the Klingons many centuries later) "Today is a Good Day to Die." I'm ready, I've made peace with myself and my God and my neighbor. (Well except maybe the D-man, but hey, shit happens). I no longer feel the need to greet everyone I meet with a hearty "Heigh-O, Silver" and the driving need to boast of my accomplishments. It's settled, I've settled. I biked the country. It's no longer a matter of being caught in that prolonged 9 week moment and reacting to it with crazed pride, or having just dismounted and looking back at my trek with manic incredultiy. I've done it, it's part of me. It can't be taken away.
And God, how I've changed. It's always problematic to actually tell people that. But I have. I think and feel and act in manners I would never before have done. Manners I've long considered, mind you, but never had the courage or will to actually commit. There have two major events in my life which have forever changed me. The first was when I was 25 and lived and hiked Grand Canyon. The other was this ride and it's poerty-in-motion corallary in Burning Man.
My cousin made the salient point that this ride is precisely what has been driving my reaction to the War, that I was isolated on mountain roads when the attacks happened. I had just had my faith in America restored and renewed to a degree never before even approached. And all that leaves me here. Now. In love and praying for the best, expecting it, knowing I will rise to any occassion. Even in my soggy shoes.
But damn,my feet are cold! Kinda makes me wish I was back in New Jersey, where six other pair of footwear await me. Warm baths and a cozy wood stove and sensuous hot chocolate. I mean, maybe that's exactly what I'll do. My queen's flying back to Poland for a spell, I am homeless and jobless, and I'd get back in time to fully bathe in the splendor of the cloorful northeastern autumns. Maybe that's exactly what I'll do.......
....Nahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!
Keep smiling,
-marcos
posted by mark 10:04 PM
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